Sunday, December 16, 2007

Poetry dot motherfucking com

Before I begin my rant, I want to apologize about not bitching about something for so long.

Okay, onto these fucks...

Fuck poetry.com. They're horrible, sick, sons of bitches who need to be euthanised immediately.

Here's what happens when you decide you want to see if you can get published through poetry.com. You send in your poem, which is probably a good work of literature. They then send you a little card that says "Editors award" and of course it's generic signed by someone named "I suck choad." Then you go "Wow, they liked it? Maybe they'll publish it?!"

Yeah, so you then wait for a while, keeping your hopes up, posting more and more poetry to their site. Then one day a letter comes. The sent from area on the upper left hand corner says "Bitch-ass-losers-dot-com"... I mean Poetry.com and you get excited! Omg! What could it say?!

Upon opening the letter you find something that says they decided to publish your poem. "HOLY SHIT?! WHAT?! THAT'S SO COOL! I NEED TO TELL SOMEONE!" So you call/txt/im anyone and everyone you possibly know. Frantically spreading your news like an aids infected escaped rapist on the streets of miami spreads disease. What do you tell them? Something along the lines of "ZOMG! I'M GETTING PUBLISHED!"

So, after informing everyone that you're getting published by poetry.com and explaining exactly what the fuck poetry.com is, in some fashion, you decide to read the other literature that is contained in the envelope they gave you. Which says something along the lines of "We're assholes... If you ever wanna show any of the people you just called up cause you only read the first couple lines of this your poem in a book, you need to send us 50-100 dollars for a copy. You might ask why we would need money from one of the authors contained in the book, that's fine with us."

Yes. Basically they tell you that you need to send them money for a copy of your published work. Who does things like that? Scam-artists bastards who deserve a head-butt from Pinhead.

To paraphrase (at the end of the post I know but hey, you read this far didn't you?) they get you to pay for your own poem along with a bunch of other suckers who played their game. They just get 400 poems from 400 authors, and get some of them to pay for the book, enough to cover the making and printing of the book, along with enough profit to help pay some assholes overpriced mortgage on his mansion out in New Fuckshire.

And this my friends, is why I absolutely fucking despise poetry.fucktheseassholes.com